I am writing here for two simple reasons. First, after vast searches across the internet for a medium that would allow me an outlet for self-expression without judgment, or reductionist analysis that minimizes the truth of the content for the sake of its practicality, this seemed to be my best option. Second, I do not, nor have I ever had any intention, of writing for me, myself alone, simply to satiate my inner craving to purge the musings of my troubled soul upon an empty canvas for my own sake. Though it is an admirable endeavor, and one I shall continue to engage in, with or without acknowledgment, I Have always felt that my writing was something to be shared with others, hopefully with an exchange on the other side of the spectrum. My hope is to start conversations, spark interests, curiosities, and perhaps if possible, make a connection with others that have felt or passed through similar periods in their lifetimes.
This blog is for the cynics, the restless souls, the jaded and socially-oppressed masses that have either felt too ashamed or too “unworthy” of posting their self-expressions online before due to fear of judgment or social stigma. This is for anyone who has ever felt unloved, unwanted, or “unfit” to participate fully in the society that was supposed to embrace them because of their inability to restrain their pain or passion from coming to the surface and disturbing a friend’s night out (God forbid), or a general inability to conform to an ever-changing set of social “norms” and dynamics that some people are simply unable to adapt to. And what is the result? We get labeled as “misfits”, “outcasts”, “abnormal”, or my personal favorite, “too intense”.
I have called this blog the “existential romantic” for a specific reason. It is the only label, though I prefer not to call it one as that would be pejorative, that I comfortable admitting to. Though it may seem an oxymoron at first glance, I assure you it is not. An existentialist is person who cannot find any meaning in life and accepts the premise that life is meaningless, and thus seeks to imbue meaning to his/her own life of their own accord, and within the confines of their own value systems and personal philosophies. A romantic is a throwback to the intellectual Romanticism movement that originated in Europe towards the end of the 18th century, but has grown considerably in emotional and philosophical worth since, but in its essence is still a representation of the individual who finds and derives a great amount of meaning and value from matters of an emotional nature. It is the individual that prioritizes these experiences above all others, and devotes their lives to the actualization of these romantic notions, most notably embodied by a lovesick Sydney Carton in Charles Dickens’ timeless A Tale of Two Cities. The existential romantic is thus one lost in the meaninglessness of existence that surrounds them, yet believes, on a very fundamental level, that their life cannot be without meaning, that they were born to serve a purpose greater than themselves, even if they must spend most of their lives in suffering waiting for that purpose to present itself.
I will end this short introduction with a poem that clarifies some of my feelings on the matter, and with a sincere invitation to anyone reading to please join the conversation, even with a disagreement or criticism, as any human connection that is asserted, regardless of the outcome, is preferable to one that is avoided. I thank you for reading and, in the weeks to come, as I continue to post writings and poetry, both from my past and present, I truly hope you find something that you connect with and perhaps something that you might want to share with me, and that perhaps one day I will earn the right to join a community of writers and artists who like me, have felt ostracized by their societies and communities at some point, and are simply looking for a place to share a piece of themselves and make a connection.
Enough is Enough
Do you ever feel alone
In the middle of the day
Even surrounded by friends
Your heart’s just not okay
And there’s an empty void
That just won’t seem to fill
Pills and alcohol, or trips to bars
There’s an ache inside you still
It’s like your soul is calling out
But no one’s picking up the other end
And you’re insides are screaming out
But on the outside you just pretend
And all you want is a friend
Who you can reach out to
Just a friend who you can
Hold on to
Say I’m in pain too
But it’s hard when you have a world
That hides the boy inside the man
Makes the woman dance outside the girl
Everyone doing what they can
To fit in.
Because nobody feels ok
In their own skin.
And it’s not right to feel
Like society’s watching from above,
They can’t make us fear
That we alone are not enough
Remind us our pasts so we can’t heal
Answer every calling with “life is tough”
Our pain is not a meal
For those made of “thicker” stuff
They can mock us for being weak
They can laugh while we hurt
For though they may refuse to speak
Silent faces buried in the dirt
All that means is in their sleep
They see the truth of their self-worth
For only compassion is strength,
And only indifference is meek.
They were destined to be one with us by birth
Blind eyes or silent tongues,
They share the pain of this earth.
So if you’ve cried bitter tears,
Over the way that you love,
Then it’s time to hold your head steady,
And say enough is enough.
I’ve played my joke upon their stage
I’ve breathed my demons outward to a new page
And though the tears of a clown stole my strife
The time has come to end this tired age
And permit the past to pass me to a new life.